Learn To Be Lonely
by Always Hopeful
Summary: ONESHOT! COMPLETE! Albus knows what he must do. He must sacrifice himself for the good of the cause. But what is his one regret? Find out now!


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything dealing with Harry Potter and I do not own this song, either. It is sung by Minnie Driver on the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack.**

**A/N: Okay, I know I should not be writing more one-shot's, but I figured I deserved this after updating Changing the Past the other day, which I haven't updated in like a million years. Okay, perhaps not that long, but still. LOL! Read long and prosper.**

**Learn To Be Lonely…**

_Child of the wilderness  
Born into emptiness  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to find your way in darkness_

Albus Dumbledore dreaded what he was about to do. He knew that sacrificing himself for the good of the war was absolutely necessary, but he also knew the effect it would have on the people he left behind. He knew Harry would be distraught and feel as though he could never turn to anyone in the adult world. Severus would be forced to flee Hogwarts and become a fugitive, even though he was only following Albus' orders to kill him. Yes, Albus wanted Severus to kill him. Not only would he be able to keep the oath he made to Narcissa, but he would also be saving Draco from having to perform an unforgivable curse and dirtying his hands. And Minerva…

He sighed heavily as he thought of Minerva. He loved her more than anything else. He could not think of another woman he would have rather been able to love. He loved her and would continue to, even in death. And now, she would never know. Before, he had avoided telling her for fear of her anger, disappointment, and rejection. But now, he didn't tell her because he could not let her know of his true feelings and then leave her. It would be crueler still if she had returned his feelings. He couldn't leave her with a broken heart. That was not gentlemanly and should never be done, no matter what the circumstances are.

All his life, Albus had been alone. Yes, he had family and friends, and his pupils were like his own children. However, that was no replacement for what he had wanted for so long: a wife and children of his own. He had wanted someone to be with him at night, to be with him, loving him and sharing in his sorrows. He wanted to hear the pitter patter of little feet and have them belong to his own children. But most of all, he wanted to go through all this with only one person, and now he could never have that.

He wanted Minerva. How many times had he looked over his half moon spectacles and stared at her from across the chess board while she was concentrated on her next move? How often had he pictured the kind of life he would give her if only she would say she loved him in return? How many times had he stood in front of the Mirror of Erised and seen her standing next to him, a smile gracing her beautiful face, a ring on her finger, and her stomach swollen with their child? And now, he could never have that. He had to do what he had to do, and there was no getting out of it.

_Who will be there for you  
Comfort and care for you  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn to be your one companion_

He shifted slightly as he kept his perch outside of Minerva's bedroom windows. She had finally come out of her bedroom, donned in a tartan nightgown. Her hair was wet and shone in the light of her room. She did not see him, or he hoped not, because it was dark outside and he was well hidden within the branches. But he could most certainly see her. He wished he could tell her exactly what he was about to do, but that would be too cruel to do. He loved her and could not do anything to harm her. He watched as she slowly, and with great ease, braided her hair before twisting it up into a half bun, half pony tail. She looked stunning and he wondered why she never wore her hair that way more often. He thought it took years off her face and he loved the effect it had.

He cursed his luck. He had found the one woman who could complete him in a way he never thought possible, but he could not have her. Even if he were not going through with this plan, he could not think to place his love on her shoulders. She deserved better, and he had always thought so. He couldn't hope to have a wife and children. That goal was out of reach for him. He was doomed to never have someone to comfort or care for him. The life he lead was too complicated to ask for a woman to live it as well; especially one as beautiful, intelligent, and loving as Minerva McGonagall. She needed the love of a man who could give her the kind of life she deserved: quiet and comfortable. So, he took off to meet with Severus to make the final preparations for his death.

Ooooooooooo

_Never dreamed out in the world  
There are arms to hold you  
You've always known your heart was on its own_

Minerva braided her hair as she thought about Albus. She sighed as she thought Albus. She loved him more with each passing day and there was nothing she could do about it. She had spent decades denying her feelings for him and even longer regretting the fact that she could never tell him. He already had so much on his plate. She couldn't in good conscience add to that burden. He was too great a friend to do that to him. But oh, how she wished that she could be so much more than just his closest friend and biggest confidante.

Walking to her bed, she pulled back the covers and got in. She sighed as she whispered 'nox' and turned on her side. Now that the lights had been extinguished, she lay on her side and wiped away a silent tear. She wanted so much to tell him. But she couldn't. She loved him and he would never love her back. She wanted so much to hold him in her arms each night, and comfort him when he was feeling sad. She wanted to be there for him; to be his guiding light when he was lost; to be the one who completed him.

Alas, it was not meant to be, and for this she cried silently for what seemed to be the millionth time since she had first realized her feelings for him. How could he not see how much she loved him? How many times had she cast a sideways glance at him while they sat at the head table? How many times had she dreamt of him at night? How many times could she envision him proposing to her, and then gathering her in his arms and snog her senseless? How many times had she stood in front of the Mirror of Erised and saw him next to her, a wedding ring upon his finger and herself heavy with his child? Too many times to count, it seemed. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not stop herself from thinking of such things. It was for these reasons she stopped going to the mirror. She couldn't take the feeling of rejection she might have had if she told him.

Sighing one final time, she rolled over and fell into a fitful sleep. She couldn't quite put you finger on it, but she had a feeling that something horrible was about to happen. She didn't know what it was, but she knew that she would need her strength for it.

Ooooooooooo

_So laugh in your loneliness  
Child of the wilderness  
Learn to be lonely  
Learn how to love life that is lived alone_

Albus Dumbledore was dead. Yes, dead. As in, he was no longer living. Minerva stared longingly at the white marble tomb. How could he just leave when he was needed so much? He was the glue that held them all together. How could he leave behind all those who cared about him- the Order, the Weasly's, Harry… to her? They all needed him now, more than ever, and he had left them all. And now, she could never tell him how she felt about him. He had died without ever knowing her true feelings about him. She had feared him and his reaction, and yet now she hated herself for being so scared. How was she expected to live her life without him? How was she to live her life alone?

That night, she sat at Albus' old desk. Behind her, his portrait was snoring away. Her heart was heavy, but she knew that she had to pick up the pieces and move on. There were others who counted on her to be strong and efficient, just as she had always been. She would grieve for him, but on her own time. Like tonight, when she went to bed. But now, she wanted to go through his desk to see if there was anything he had left there. She wondered if he had left any instructions for her. She paused when she saw a sealed envelope under the lamp on his desk. With a shaky hand, she lifted it up and saw her name written on the front in that hand writing she knew so well. Turning it over, she opened it. Inside was a letter. Taking a deep breath, she read it.

'_My dearest Minerva,_

_'You are reading this due to my death. No doubt in your night robe the night after my funeral. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for leaving you all like this. But it had to be done in order for Harry to do what is needed to be done. My only regret is that I could not tell you how much I loved you._

_'Yes, Minerva, I love you. I love you and have loved you so much for years. You may never have loved me in the way I love you, but I thought you deserved to know. Sure, this might be a cowardly way to tell you, but it is the only way I could think to tell you. Perhaps you don't love me, or perhaps you never will. Believe me when I tell you that I've wanted to tell you so many times, and yet I couldn't. I had to keep you safe. Even if you did love me, though I do not think you ever could, I felt that telling you of my feelings would be placing you in danger. I could not in good conscience form a relationship with you while our world was threatened. I can hope you can forgive me. Please forgive me. And please, make sure Harry is alright. He needs the guidance of one who loves him._

_Yours truly,_

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore'_

The last part of his last name began to blur as one of Minerva's many tears fell upon it, causing the ink to bleed upon the page. She dropped the page and stood up. As she turned and began to head to his room, she stopped and looked at him.

"Oh, you poor, poor fool," she whispered. Albus' portrait continued to sleep. "How could you not see how much I loved you?" She ran into his old rooms then and collapsed upon his bed. Oh, she would forgive him. All she needed was time. She could learn to be lonely. After all, she'd done it her entire life. She may not love it now, but she would force herself to live life as she had always lived it. Alone.

_Learn to be lonely  
Life can be lived, life can be loved alone_

**A/N2: I know, it's very sad. But I couldn't help myself. I needed to get a little angsty and depressed. I hope you won't be so upset with me. I heart you all. Read long and prosper. Always Hopeful**


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